And Up From the Ground Com'a Bubblin' Crude...

Oh, how I wish this title meant I'd struck oil while gardening in my backyard. Instead, it refers to the gusher of heretofore unexpressed and completely unexpected emotion that came gushing out this week like the bubblin' crude that sprang from the earth when Jed Clampett was shootin' at some food.

No need for details, but let's just say it was a bad week. A very bad week. The kind of week that left me spontaneously bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. And this from someone who has never been a crier and would have been hard pressed to tell you the last time she shed a tear. But the dam was breeched this week in fairly spectacular fashion. I suspect I might have been better off if I'd been crying a bit more often in recent years. But on the bright side, I definitely made sure I was getting my money's worth out of my therapist and nutritionist this week.

In terms of food, there was another bright side that my therapist helped me see, which is this. My "bad" food weeks are not nearly so bad as they used to be. What normally might have left me saying fuck it and stuffing my face with Whoppers until I was in a stupor and too numb to lift myself from the sofa, this time manifested itself in eating slighly past full at most meals and polishing off a half a bag of mini Heath Bars over the course of the entire week. That's pretty good progress, actually.

I've still got a long way to go. And we're stepping back a bit in my IE work and focusing more on the feelings that I would have sworn I wasn't, but am still clearly pushing down with food. The ones that bubbled to the surface, slapped me in the face, and demanded to be taken seriously. It doesn't feel good and I'm definitely not liking this. I don't like the idea of being a drama queen, but I think I fit that description this week. Actually, at points I would have been happy to feel only like a drama queen and not like a complete basket case. But this is leading somewhere and it's clearly somewhere I need to go. So let's suit up and get going.