Recognizing When Bingeing is an Excuse and How it Affects Me

A week ago, I started reading Women, Food, and God (WFG). For reasons that are not at all clear to me, the first third of the book – The Principles – was rather unsettling and I kept finding myself in the kitchen, unconsciously snacking on whatever was handy. But as I moved through the book, it actually stopped being unsettling and started to be a real revelation. I could not have related more to just about every word on every page. And yet, the overeating did not stop. Over the course of the week, I over-indulged in every little thing my heart desired, whenever I wanted it. Bowl after bowl of cereal, handfuls of salted cashews, burgers and fries, ice cream, chocolate, sodas with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, you name it. It wasn’t a binge in the sense of eating excessive amounts of food until I felt sick (which I have done, btw), but it was, in the sense that every meal was an opportunity to eat more than I knew I needed, even if it wasn’t to the point of discomfort. It was also a binge in the sense that I had complete disregard for nutrition. By Tuesday, I knew that being unsettled by WFG was nothing more than an excuse. I wasn’t actually even unsettled anymore! I could have stopped, but I just didn’t want to, and so I didn’t.

But I did pay the price. By Thursday, every time I sat down for more than a few minutes, my knees would get achy and creaky and it would be painful to get going again. All that sugar and HFC (and who knows what else!) was almost certainly causing inflammation in my joints. And with that, I was finally through with my excuses and tired of walking around like I was 90. And so, I got back to eating the way I know my body wants me to. Back to honoring my hunger and my nutritional needs. Starting with a trip to the farmers market on Saturday morning to get some nice fresh organic fruits and veggies.

It may not look like much, but I'm finding that when I am truly eating for hunger, I don't eat that much and I hate to waste things. Especially expensive organic stuff (my local farmers market is all organic. I love California!). I think it will take me a while to figure out how much I really need to buy at the grocery store each week.

In any event, some of that great produce found its way into a wonderfully tasty and good for me blueberry smoothie.

You can make one, too! Here’s the recipe

• 1 c. of apple cider (preferably the freshly pressed, cloudy stuff)
• 1 c. of frozen blueberries
• ¼ c. honey flavored Greek yogurt
• 2 wheatgrass juice ice cubes (or a heaping tsp of green powder – get it at your local health food store)
• 1 heaping T. of psyllium fiber

The amounts are approximations; I tend to just toss stuff in the blender. And you can substitute any kind of juice (or milk or soymilk), fruit, or yogurt. Wheatgrass juice ice cubes and psyllium are optional! LOL. What is key, though, is that the fruit be frozen. It makes the smoothie delicious and slushy without watering it down the way that ice cubes do. This makes one tall glass of smoothie.

After a weekend of good, healthy eating, and honoring my hunger (I even ate most of meals without distractions!), I’m feeling really good and my knees are no longer achy. (I’m pretty sure that fish oil capsules also helped.) I still need to figure out what was driving me to binge. And now that I’ve finished WFG, I plan to go back through it again more slowly and attentively. But for now, I’m happy that I just got over myself and got on with things. It’s a baby step, but a very good one.