Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Just Wondering...


When I was a child, I wished I was a teenager. When I was in grade school, I wished I was in high school. When I was a teenager, I wished I was in my 20s. When I was in high school, I wished I was in college. When I was 21, I wished I was 25. When I was in college, I wished I could graduate and get a "real job." When I got my first job, I wished I had a "more important" position with better pay. When I had a "more important" position with better pay, I wished I had a position with less responsibilities and stress (but the same pay! LOL). When I lived in the MidWest, I wished I could be on the West Coast. When I lived in an apartment, I wished I owned a house. When I bought a house, I wished I wasn't so tied down. When I hit my 40s, I wished I could have the carefree days of my youth back. When I was a size 12, I thought I was fat and wished with all my heart that I could be a size 8. Now that I'm a size 20, I'd give anything to be a size 12 again.

Dreams are good. Desires are good. They help you accomplish things. I wouldn't now live in a city I love if I hadn't had the dream of living in California. I wouldn't have a good paying job if I hadn't always pushed myself to get to that next level. But I have lived all my life wishing that I was something other than what I was at any given moment. I have always known that if only [insert current dream of choice here] could happen, *then* I could finally be happy. But then there's always something else. Always something else that I need to do or be or accomplish, before that happiness can finally arrive.

What do you suppose would happen if I decided to be happy *exactly* as I am right at this moment? What if I decided that I could be happy with a stressful job, and student loan debt, and less than six months worth of income in the bank in case of emergency, and a house that is worth less than I paid for it, and grey hair, and "friends" that are too busy to return my calls, and a size 20 ass? What would that be like? How would I feel? What kinds of things would I do? What kinds of things would I not do? How would my life change? Just wondering....

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