How Long Should It Take To Start Getting It?

In the two and a half months since I recommitted to IE, there have been many things I’ve enjoyed about following this path. Chief among them is eating whatever I want without a feeling of guilt. Okay, well, it hasn’t been completely guilt free, but I’m definitely eating with less guilt than I was in the preceding years when I was always either on a diet or feeling guilty because I should have been on a diet but wasn’t. So that’s a positive thing. No argument there.

But there are parts of this that still aren’t coming to me. I’m still struggling quite a bit with stopping when satisfied. And lately, I’m having more trouble with eating when hungry. Partly dictated by my work schedule, but often of my own doing, I’ve reverted to eating by the clock. Because it’s lunch time! Or, last week, when I was traveling on business, because I was in a hotel that had limited room service offerings and it was easier to go out and eat with my colleagues so I could get back to my room to get some work done (and also because I needed a break after a really long day), than it was to go to my room, hang out, and eat later when hunger actually hit me.

Compounding it all, I caved and stepped on the scale this morning and was up almost three pounds. Now, having been a person who previously weighed three times per day, I know that my weight can fluctuate by three pounds within the course of a day, so that’s not necessarily an indication that things are going to hell in a hand basket. But I worry that it’s the start of a slow creep upward and that a year from now I will be 30 pounds heavier instead of lighter. I worry that I’m not giving this the full effort that I should, that I’m making excuses. I worry that my brain keeps saying work the steps but that my hand is in the bag of chips without a second thought (or any thought) when there has been nothing particularly upsetting or frustrating about my day that should drive me to emotional eating. And I worry that I see myself doing this and I simply have no desire to stop and figure out what is driving me to it. What is this resistance? And if I can’t get myself to stop and figure out what it’s about, how am I ever going to get the hang of IE? And what’s to keep me from being fatter this time next year? So how long should it take for me to be able to get to that point where I can stop myself and start to figure this stuff out? I wish I knew.

Argh. This is a frustrating moment. One of many, probably, but that doesn’t make it any better.