Taming My Inner 5-Year-Old

In recent years while dieting, I often used the analogy that my inability to stick to plan was like a willful 5-year-old throwing a tantrum. I told myself that I needed to discipline that five year old and “force” her to just behave and stick to the rules. I’d berate myself and try to just white knuckle my way through whatever it was I was struggling with, but it rarely worked. And really, should that have been a surprise? I’m not a parent, but I’ve got enough nieces and nephews and godchildren that I know that bullying a 5-year-old is rarely an effective way to get her to do anything, at all.

Today, out of curiosity, I checked out the Supernanny website to see what England’s most famous nanny recommends for children throwing tantrums. The first thing I discovered is that the Supernanny website is apparently run by a bunch of different “experts” and apparently has no little input from the actual Supernanny. But those quibbles aside, here’s what the experts said about tantrums.

Causes of tantrums:

• Frustration
• Hunger or tiredness
• Wanting something the child can’t have
• Wanting independence
• Over stimulation
• Attention seeking
• Emotional overload

Hmmm, these all sound pretty darn familiar. Diets frustrating? What, all the time spent preparing calorically perfect meals, figuring out what I can and can’t eat, and following the long lists of dos and don’ts? How could that be frustrating? Hunger? Yeah, when wasn’t I hungry when I was dieting? Tiredness? How could I not be tired when I was starving all the time? I had no nutrition for energy! Wanting something I couldn’t have? Yeah, food!! Wanting independence? Who wouldn’t want independence from all those rules? Over stimulation? Well, let’s see, read this book, log this food here, do this exercise at this time and log that and calculate the calories burned to figure out how much I can eat and figure out the exact calorie count of everything that passes my lips and get enough sleep and drink 10 glasses of water a day and eat 5 fruits and veggies, but don’t eat too much fat salt, sugar, or anything white, but blah, blah, blah. No, that’s not over stimulating at all. Attention seeking? Well, an invisible fat person would never want attention, would she? And finally, emotional overload? Yeah, if I’m stuffing down my feelings with food while also constantly telling myself how fat, disgusting, and undisciplined I am, there is probably a bit of emotional overload going on there.

Seems like the question here is how could my inner 5-year-old NOT be throwing a tantrum when I’m on a diet?

So, what does Supernanny (or her minions) have to say about solving tantrums? Well, there were a handful of tips, but here are the ones that particularly struck me:

Solve the problem before behavior deteriorates. Yeah, dealing with the emotions before I start stuffing my face with food to quiet them might just be a bit more helpful, on many different fronts.

Offer choices. Choices are nice. I’ve always been a tad rebellious. The minute you impose a boatload of rules on me, the minute I want to do the exact opposite. Having choices about what *I* want and what *I* need and not just blindly following what some “expert” dictates, might make me more amenable to engaging in healthy behaviors.

Use positive words. Big one here. No 5-year-old ever flourished by being told how terrible she was. Treating that 5-year-old with kindness and respect even when she’s melting down is probably more effective than screaming at her and threatening her with punishment. And truth be told, while that kind of treatment may have resulted in compliance for a short period, each time my 5-year-old just came back angrier and more defiant than before. So, that apparently doesn’t work too well with anyone.

So what’s the lesson here? Treat your inner 5-year-old just like you would a real live one, and you’ll probably be a lot more successful all the way around. I’m going to give it a try. My inner 5-year-old is smiling at me right now.